Create your own calm…

The crisis in the world teach us a lot about staying calm and patient instead of panicking. That’s what crisis do, they stop us so we have to breathe and observe what really matters.

But sometimes only the idea of slowing down feels overwhelming. All the chronic rushing and achieving keeps us on the constant fight or flight mode.

Today we are going to learn the importance of stillness and talk about few easy techniques.

Now turn off your phone, close your eyes and your mouth. Sit quietly in a comfortable position and stay there for 3 minutes without doing anything. Externally nothing happens, but the benefits internally are massive.

First step of meditation isn’t harder than this. It might feel challenging though as we are not used to stillness.

Studies show that already three minutes of calming down has a positive impact to brain chemistry.

As the living condition have radically changed pass these 20 years. Mindfulness practise is necessity for everyone not an alternative lifestyle for some hippies. The strain on our brain has increased massively, yet biologically we have the same brain capacity as humankind had 50000 years ago.

The estimate is that our brain can handle exact same amount of stress as a caveman, which is forty stress reactions per day. Caveman freaked out and stressed as there was few dinosaurs running after him, and his brain recovered when the threat was over.

Modern day man gets stressed as a car drives pass or the phone rings at the middle of the dinner and he doesn’t necessarily recover that fast as there’s constant stimulants and the flood of signals is never ending.

Our brains has around 40 000 stress reactions daily. These stimulants come from computer screens, phones, traffic, our work places, etc.

Do you understand now, why it’s so important for us to slow down and withdraw into silence?

There’s a five point method I’d like you to try: Breath, be quiet, stay positive, smile and accept.

Deep BREATHING reduces stress fast. Especially exaggerated and long exhalation helps to calm anxious mind and relax the body.

Deep breathing helps us to QUIET DOWN. This power couple supports each other.

STAYING POSITIVE betters the quality of life and works as antidote for negative thinking. Our brain tends to get stuck at stress-mode, thinking about undone projects and things that might go wrong. So “positive thinking” is actually a practise as a practise on your yoga mat. It’s not easy, but it releases a lot of assets.

SMILE has such incredible strength! It was one of the earliest thing humankind learnt to use, and to this day it is a power signal to calm the world around us. It connect us, as smiling looks the same in all the cultures. In China smiling meditation has been a thing for thousands of years.

ACCEPTANCE is something that drives us on, regardless of hardship in life. For example if you suffer from insomnia, accepting the fact that you are going to wake up during the night is a big help. Acceptance is calming and can help you to fall back to sleep faster. Anger doesn’t abate with anger, but accepting the anger could reduce it.

Acceptance also helps with meditation. If you rebel against stillness, thinking you cannot meditate, it becomes harder. It’s a brutal fact, starting meditation ain’t gonna be that easy! Just accept this: you don’t have to do anything and if the enlightenment happens that’s great, but if not, at least you gave your brains a bit of a break from all the rush.

So take these five keys and let them give you the strength you’re looking for. Better immunity, more energy, balanced life, inner calmness… All these benefits, while you just sit and do nothing.

Love and light

Diaba

Finding hope in my scars…

To fertility and beyond… I’m part of the 12 % married woman who struggles with infertility. There, I said it!

For years I struggled with this all by myself, so ashamed, so humiliated, and the day I opened up my mouth, and said something about it, I realized that I’m not alone. There’s millions of women like me, and they’re stories are pretty much the same. So if you struggle with infertility, please don’t hold it in, talk, find support and solutions. I’m here if you need a friend with working ears who has had every hormone injection possible, has been poked by infertility doctors in different countries, and last but not least have her hopes raised and smashed every 4 weeks.

I’m all zoned out on my bed from pain killers and agonising tummy pain after my hysteroscopy, and removal of endometriosis. I’m staring at all the scars on my belly… and not only the scars on surface, but the scars deep inside. Trying to be super exited about this next step, but cannot help getting also a bit nervous. For crying out loud, half a decade of trying to conceive, failed IVF’s, IUI’s, etc. I should be a pro by now not letting it get to me.

But I guess I’m like a good old deep fried Camembert, all gangsta outside, but silky smooth inside…

It doesn’t seem to get easier. It gets harder, time is running out… And I’m finding myself thinking “how much more?”. How much longer until we get to hold our little one in our arms? How many “Congratulations on your baby” -cards must I send while limboing between excitement and jealousy? Its our turn to be on receiving side of these words…

I know that I’m not alone with this problem, the hospitals are filled with women like me, looking for answers, living their lives trapped in an emotional rollercoaster ,feeling inadequate, broken, guilty, scared and jealous. Covered in scars…

The scars on my belly, they are my battle field with infertility… Every time I have a failed IVF or I get my period it’s like getting cut from an injury, I “bleed”, I scream, I cry… Nothing else exist, but the pain. But I have my loved ones around me to put a “bandaid” on it, to stop me from “bleeding”. And eventually a scab forms above the injury, this strong exterior to protect the more sensitive self underneath.

Somedays I’m filled with hope and I can deal with the “wound being touched” by comments and questions, but on worse days, all it needs is news of unplanned pregnancies by friends to rip the scab off. As the new skin under the scab strengthens, it becomes less sensitive, and life gets back to normal. But the scar always remain, amongst the other scars, it’s there to remind me of my journey. We learn to live with them, we learn to accept them. And we cannot endlessly keep hiding them away with make up, they’re part of us, part of the the way we look. And even though our scars are different, they have one thing is common… No matter how they look, or how much they hurt, the pain will eventually go away… that’s the beauty with scars.

At this very moment while I’m looking at my post-surgery scars, I see strength! I don’t see ugly wounds of misfortune nor failure around my belly, but I see the determination of going all the way for something that matters the world to me, I see dedication, love, willpower and passion. I see the structure of my character, I see my story…

The road of infertility is hard, but like any other road, you gotta keep moving forward, you must not lose the sight of destination because of the obstacles. There will always be unexpected suffering and disappointments, but you need to remember that you are in charge of your happiness and how you react to any of these challenges. You must not let these struggles affect your kindness, compassion and love toward yourself nor your partner.

Yours sincerely

Diana